#admittedly I stopped going there in a long time but this whole things is hilarious

[pinkpogiclub]

liberty media vs marco bezzecchi’s single nipple piercing

[zaebeecee]

Hi Zae! Okay, so like ... I'm only saying this because it's been on my mind for a while ... And I just saw something, and it just hit me, and I'm on anon because like, I just have something to confess and it has something to do with Hazbin Hotel's voice cast and it's kinda harsh and I don't want people to think I'm mean, but like ... okay. So? That whole like sketch about "How Allosexuals treat Alastor" and your post about "Allosexuals breaking in and knocking over the plants? I can't stop thinking about it because I've felt like this is *EXACTLY* how Alastor's own (Allosexual) voice actors tend to treat him and talk about him though? And like, they maybe even set a precedent for this behavior? And it's annoying? Like, I love Amir but one thing I will say in Bosco's favor is that Bosco seemed to lean into to the "fan service" aspect a bit more than Amir does and I even noticed that like, um okay so like, in the little clip that goes around of Blake discovering RadioDust for the first time, Amir just kinda gives off this little "disappointed parent oh no no face"? Like he doesn't even wanna entertain the thought? But then he kind of gives in and is like "okay, I guess...:" when other cast members started talking positively about it, but he originally looked for a split second like he was about to scold someone or give a little lecture or something and to me that was just like: "My guy, I love you but at least Half of this fandom was built on RadioDust fanservice for the past five years, know your history! What are you doing???" Anyway, what I'm getting at is that sometimes, when I see the "allosexual breaking into your house and knocking over plants post, I want to reblog it and just be like "This is Amir Talai, though." And then I feel sort of bad. Should I feel bad? I don't think I can watch any Hazbin Hotel Cast clips on youtube without being lowkey annoyed anymore. Like, of course I still love them but I don't know...

Oof. Yeah, my friend, I totally get where you’re coming from. And this is just my personal opinion/reflection on the topic, but I feel like this is a case (with Amir personally) of having absolutely zero fandom experience of any kind before taking on the role that he did, as well as what happens when an allo who knows nothing about being ace tries to stay true to an ace character.

tl;dr because I kind of tend to ramble: I really think all we can do is speculate, since we don’t actually know Amir; but also, I don’t think you should feel bad about having a negative reaction to an allosexual speaking over ace people about an ace character, even if he is the voice actor and seems to be a decent person.

First off: no. I don’t think you should feel bad about looking at that and going “Amir Talai though”. It’s the energy he’s putting off, and it’s not your fault that it’s his actions that are pulling that response out of you.

I think Amir has, ultimately, good intentions when it comes to portraying Alastor as accurately as possible. But judging by his past tweeting and the (admittedly hilarious) list of things he’s had to Google since becoming Alastor’s voice, it’s very clear that he does NOT understand what fandom is all about. And he does seem to genuinely be trying! The Zoom call with Blake is particularly telling for all of them, because Amir was very “oh fuck” and Blake was very “OMG DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS AN OPTION??? :D” when, like you said, RadioDust kept the HH fandom alive for four years. Clearly, none of them actually dove into the fandom prior to the project, and I’m hoping that further exposure to the fans might help. As long as they’re not the same as the “we’re going to bully Joel Perez because we hate Valentino” people.

(Also, on Amir’s reaction there, I have no idea if it was “but Alastor is asexual and shipping him is BAD” or if it was “Blake what are you doing bringing this up now people are gonna get mad”, which… with certain people, particularly that very mean vocal minority in the HuskerDust community, is a valid concern. But he and Blake seem extremely close, so I’m not sure Blake would have put him on the spot publicly if he knew Amir would have a genuine negative reaction. But idk, this is all speculation on people I’ve only seen in panels and stuff like that.)

With Amir being allo… I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he has publicly apologized for misrepresenting Alastor’s ace spectrum in the past which does suggest that he’s listening to people, but it’s really on him to actually talk to asexual people so he has examples of real experience to draw from. So many people think that asexual automatically means sex repulsed and aromantic automatically means romance repulsed, and because of that, I can understand why Amir came into this with those assumptions. But since he IS so dedicated to the fans and he genuinely loves playing Alastor and wants to be as true as possible to him, he needs to stop looking at asexuality from an allosexual perspective. I haven’t seen anything at all recent from him on the subject, so his perspective could have changed?

But I don’t think you should feel bad about having a negative reaction to the way he’s choosing to react to ships. He is speaking over ace people, whether he realizes that he’s doing that or not, and that isn’t okay. And honestly, having that negative reaction is a good way to call attention to the problem, because if he knows the ace umbrella community has a problem with his black and white perspective on this, I think he’s more likely to listen to us. If part of your hesitation is that you like Amir (which, admittedly, is part of mine), it’s genuinely okay to like a voice actor in general and still be mad at them/criticize them for an aspect of their character interpretation, because ultimately Alastor is our representation, not his. And it matters more if a demisexual/grayaro wants to depict Alastor as their type of aspec than how an allosexual thinks asexuality should be.

On a related note, my husband and I are taking a RadioDust cosplay to a convention later this year, and both Amir and Blake are going to be there, so we’re hopeful we can tell both of them that we’re both aroace spectrum, married, and huge devotees of the ship (both because we’d like to help reinforce the fact that Blake himself is on board the ship and because Amir desperately needs help). idk if it’ll do anything but maybe it’ll at least get him thinking more critically about it.

[hustlemeanokay]

The Ghoul v. Lucy v. Maximus Fallout *TV* Fandom Discord

I put "Fallout TV Fandom" discord because well... I've been in the FO fandom for years now and this whole implied racism thing is something new, at least from what I've seen and I've seen a lot in the fandom. This is something that honestly hasn't had a place. Because, there are Ghouls for starters, Synths second, and Zealots galore third in the games. Also, also - the games are set up for the players to assume that the Chinese (the "Red Menace") are this world's punching bag. So, this whole... people shipping Lucy with the Ghoul automatically equals racism thing? Yeah, I don't buy it.

Before I go any further, I want to put a disclaimer here - I'm a huge supporter of shipping all the ships. If you ship Lucy x Max, yaaas honey, get it. If you ship the Ghoul x Lucy, right onnnn, wooo! If you ship the Ghoul x Max?! Rock on, you do you, dude! Poly ship? The more the merrier! Seriously, ship all the ships. Now... as I was saying....

I don't buy it... for one big reason and this is it:

Fallout fandom ❤s Ghouls. For years now, Ghouls with attitude or tragic backstories immediately catch the attention of the fandom and are automatically slotted into the "THIS DUDE WINS" category.

[and this got really long so more below the cut so I don't clog up the dashboard]

The moment "the Ghoul" showed up with his cowboy get up and snarky attitude, smirk, and badass strut? Poor Max didn't have a snowball's chance in hell. And it had nothing to do with Max. Nothing at all. He could be this awesome character, he could be anything and everything and it wouldn't matter. Because a smartass Ghoul with a tragic backstory and a secret heart of gold? Forget-a-bout-it. Hook line and sinker for the FO fandom.

Personally? Team Coop all the way. And I'll tell ya why. I personally cannot stand the Brotherhood of Steel. And Max is just as in it as Danse ever was, or any of the other initiates. He is in it. And I get why. I totally get it. Also, he's a coward. He knows how to manipulate people, good intentioned or not. And he uses it. But he uses it in this kind of... sneaky way. He had lots of golden opportunities to tell Lucy the truth about who he was, including when they first spoke. She would have been none the wiser on what happened to his Knight (because fuck that guy, Titus was an asshole). But he chose to keep lying. For no reason other than it made him feel important. Lying to protect someone, their feelings or literally. Lying to preserve a secret that isn't yours, etc. Yeah, shitty a little but yeah, okay. But lying to literally make yourself better? When there's no need for that shit? Na.

Now, I know the arguments in the for column for Max. I get it. I do. He's a product of his environment, as are we all. But, he's kind of a loser. In that, he gets this big bad suit of power armor because to him that represents being a hero. And he thinks he's going to like go out and stop crime with it. Sure, a little juvenile but whatevs, that's completely fine. But, he almost immediately starts showing off for a pretty girl - which admittedly, probably not something he's seen a lot of (and Lucy's no better here with her big ol' anime eyes flashing hearts at him). But the point is... there are people around and Max is just laying waste to that place just as bad as the Ghoul is, with zero regard for collateral damage. Granted, no one got hurt, but that's not the point. The point is, if he was about the whole "knight" thing? He's completely missing the mark. Yes, I believe the BoS is corrupt ten ways to Sunday but that doesn't mean Max does. He's supposed to believe in things like honor and what it means to be a knight etc. The things he's been taught on top of the whole "seek out old world tech". Now, Max is funny - I will give him that. He's hilarious but at the same time - kind of one note. And again, product of his environment. But when he comes up on Lucy and her Dad, as it's been pointed out before, he doesn't even stop to see what's going on. He just frees Henry and doesn't even think. But that's the core of who he is. He acts first, thinks later. A lot of people are like that. Lucy is like that when she first leaves the vault. Both her and Max have been sheltered, in different ways but still sheltered. Difference between them is that Lucy is adapting and growing, learning.

So, you take this naïve, kinda boring Brotherhood of Steel sorta-Knight and pitch him against the Ghoul. Two hundred year old druggie who is like this strange combo of all of the fandom's most beloved Ghouls to date. There was no contest. To see this man who's been twisted by everything this world has thrown at him, who has sunk behind a role so far that it's not even an act anymore just to protect himself from all of it take on the Wasteland with now a dog and Lucy with him. Mister travels alone now not traveling alone? Of course people are gonna eat that shit up.

Now, personally, I think a future society, especially an apocalyptical one like Fallout, it would basically have nothing but tan people, where everyone is just a mix of everything because when you're facing down something like a fifteen foot tall fucking chameleon with razors for claws (deathclaw) - suddenly, race doesn't seem like that much of a fucking issue.

BUT I digress, a lot - point is... I think if it was Cooper Howard vs. Maximus? Max would win overall. But... the Ghoul vs. Maximus? There was no way Max ever had a shot. (With regards to shipping).

Also, also... on a final note.

[strqyr]

Do you think Yang and Blake made for poorer partners than what configuration your vitalis AU has? Do you like Blake as a character generally? I know you talk a lot about Yang but B/Y isn’t your cup of tea for ships (which I respect and am not trying to convince you otherwise lolol I’m just kinda curious) so what would you prefer for the characters instead moving forward in the narrative?

i wouldn't say "poorer" bc when writing—especially writing an au—you can do whatever you want and come up with new things, canon be damned lol buuuut for a long time, the concept of partners in general in canon has been a "problem" point for me, bc not much is done with it to... "justify" it, if you will?

like, it very much feels like that they had an idea for ruby and weiss for the emerald forest (which didn't last a day) and bc they need to have team rwby, well. blake and yang it is, i guess? in that sense they very much feel like an afterthought bc for the most part in the first two volumes they're just there; when blake finally gets her time to shine at the end of V1, weiss is central to it, ruby is shown to be the most concerned for blake, and yang is. kind of just there. which is fine, but if the point is to sell the importance of partners, why couldn't yang have ruby's role, or do something else that makes her be central to blake's storyline from the get-go?

and this set-up as a whole leads to, admittedly hilarious, scenarios in V2 where after a whole semester blake needs to be explained how yang's semblance works and then two episodes later yang is telling blake her tragic backstory of people leaving her behind with no apparent change in their relationship on screen, as much as time has passed.

and when the ball eventually does get rolling with the two of them, there's this... i had expectations (based on what the writers had done previously / with other characters) that reality did not meet. and that's fine!! you can't possibly cater to anyone lol but for me, it just means my interest is pretty darn low; it's like they had a whole pool they could have dove into head first and it would have been great, but instead they just barely dipped their toes in and called it a day.

so, as far as my au goes, it was a choice between throwing the whole concept out, or do some changes—and while keeping the same partners and coming up with new stuff for them would have been an option, when canon presents me with an opportunity with something that's already there and i find interesting, i'd rather go with that.

and i like blake. again, i don't really have characters i hate or even dislike, it's more of an interest thing; what's their storyline like? is it in the spotlight right now or not? what is the character doing in the meanwhile? etc. so if there's nothing that currently interests me about a character i don't talk about them much.

i'm also way too deep into strq fam + cinder + salem & ozma stuff so everyone else gets left in the sidelines until they do something that piques my interest lol but it doesn't mean i don't like them.

as for preferences, i don't really have any beyond what makes obvious sense? like, yang obviously has to be involved in the whole summer mission thing, it makes absolutely zero sense for her not to, so there's that. as for blake, bringing back the white fang storyline and at least attempting to fix it would be nice, bc leaving it as a dumpster fire that they continuously poured gasoline on and then stopped doesn't stop it being a dumpster fire, it's just a dumpster fire that no one is pouring any gasoline on. and that's a shadow that hovers over blake constantly whether they like it or not; for example, sure, blake can make all the comments about how awful mantle looks, but then you look a little bit to the left where the crater is with faunus living in shacks with no heating and from what i can tell, the only wall they have is the one between the crater and mantle and it's like.

ok then.

but also idk what they can really do in vacuo that could salvage even the tiniest part of this storyline since everything to do with the white fang storyline since day 1 was pointed towards atlas, so. . . kind of don't know what i'd like blake to do, tbh. anything really that gives me something to chew one lol

[ask-pwp-prequel-au]

Day 2

While Nick would’ve preferred it not to be like this, Day 2 started the second the clock turned 12:00 am because Pal wasn’t letting Nick sleep. He was very insistent on having Nick stay up. Something about having discovered this awful show on Youtube..or was it Netflix? Something.. something about…mmm…Nick had already started tuning Pal’s rambles out.

Up until he got an ad for Freddy’s. Pal’s scream of rage woke Nick RIGHT up! Nick sputtered and sat up to see Pal seething with rage. “Stupid pompous bear! Don’t know anything about robotics! IF they did, they would know everything about NOT letting their ANIMATRONICS KILL PEOPLE!! It’s so easy to prevent that BUT NO! They have to cut corners!!” Pal growled loudly. “Killing people and continuing to build new places despite EVERYTHING is the definition of SLOTH and INSANITY!! I wish I could just-!! DESTROY THEM ALL!! They’re so LAZY!! A-And awful!” Pal kept ranting for a long, long while about Freddy’s, even joining Nick into his rant. “I-I mean! They’ve made SO many places and have YET to fix simple issues! Like again, murderous animatronics hurting the children!” Pal huffed loudly. “It’s so easy to program that to not happen!” “Maybe…not?” Nick weakly replied, really zoning out. “Nick! You are a technician! I-I have a robotics degree! I-I know for a fact how EASY it is!!” Pal clutched his hair with a growl. “They’re all just like John..! Every single one o’ them! And they’re all too stupid to realize it!!” Nick sighed and yawned as the ad ended. “About that..show you wanted me to see…?” Pal snapped out his anger and looked excited.

“It’s really bad! I love insulting it!” Pal laughed and sat back down on the couch. “It’s called Monster Academy and it’s awful! The lore makes no sense, the scaling is awful too! It’s hilarious!” Pal kept going on about how awful it was as the first episode began. Nick sighed, watching the episode very slowly progress. This episode was apparently called.. ‘The Great Battle of West Colt.’ Nick started to drown the whole thing out. Too sappy for him. Nick drowned nearly everything out. Something about one character’s first day there and..whatever else. Finally, halfway through the slog, Nick fell asleep for the day. Surprisingly, Pal didn’t wake him up roughly and angrily. He just let him sleep with a snickering remark, “More awfulness for me then, I guess.”

Nick’s dream started back up where it left off. The Tamas stopped right in front of Nick and didn’t even bother to attack him. TamaBruti looked unsure and turned back to Pal for confirmation that they had to do this. This pause was followed by TamaLanki poking Nick’s nose and seemingly asking Pal for his reason. Pal sharply growls. “I shouldn’t HAVE to give a reason! Besides! You’re not killing him! I wanna do that! I’ll make him into a new friend JUST for you! It’s not very hard to mesh electronics and human form together after all!” Pal laughed with a sharp grin. “Your job is to just weaken him to make the upcoming pain ALL the more sweeter~!” Nick stared at Pal before suddenly shouting out to Pal, “What happened to you!?” Nick’s voice cracked through the air and Pal stared at him as if he hadn’t expected him to pipe up. “Ha! You talked! Now that’s a surprise! Wasn’t expecting you to even slightly pipe up! Guess you’re not as pathetically quiet as you normally are!” “An-Answer my question already, you fake!” Nick demanded, trying to wrangle free from the wires. ‘Pal’ did a very clear and exaggerated eye roll. “Fiiine…! I’ll talk! What you see here is the result of the ISOLATION YOU PUT ME THROUGH!!” ‘Pal’ suddenly snapped with an angry hiss as he threw his fists around. Nick watched him get tangled inside his wiry tendrils; he quickly detangled himself though (admittedly it only amplified his anger). “2 years is a long time alone, buddy! A VERY long time! Soo, I’m gonna kill ya for what you did! Simple as that!” Nick was immediately annoyed. “You have options! You introduced me to May earlier! You had options but just REALLY didn’t wanna use them!” ‘Pal’ hissed, jabbing Nick. “I’m the nightmare creature here! You stay quiet, mind-fucker..!” Pal let out a shrill laugh before pulling away. “Though I absolutely HAVE to thank you for isolating me as much as it hurt at the time..I was able to become connected with my machines! Look at these wires! Look at the near perfect control I have over the tamaterrorz! And the green eyes help me look more intimidating!” ‘Pal’ grinned wide and clenched his fist with pure excitement. “Anyways! Time to get back to killing you! TAMATERRORZ!!”

Nick woke up before the tamas (tamaterrorz?) even had a chance to prepare an attack. This dream problem wasn’t gonna get easier, huh? Pal, the actually real one, slept upside down on the couch. Him and his weird ways of sleeping. No idea how that could ever be comfortable but oh well. The show had just completed season 2. Yuck. Pal was sleeping lightly so he must’ve fallen asleep rather early into the night. Pal had a very, very good attention span and he’s willing to sit through a whole lot. The show must be even worse than Nick originally thought if even Pal was willing to go to sleep at a normal time to not have to deal with it!

Very carefully, Nick turned off the tv and tried to move Pal into his room. The second Nick tried, he realized how heavy Pal was. He was barely half his size, yes, but he was shockingly heavy! Nick carefully put Pal back down and started doing his own thing.

‘Pal’s’ words echoed in his mind. That version of Pal got one thing right..he was really intimidating with the glowing, fully green eyes. The image of ‘Pal’ would not be leaving his mind any time soon. Made his stomach twist with fear.

Nick hummed softly, getting himself a bowl of cereal. Only to realize that Pal didn’t have milk. Oh. Erm. Oh well I guess. Nick sighed before deciding to head out to Pal’s warehouse. Y’know see if there were any donuts left over.

As he opened the door, he could see the tamas stood away from the Percy Poodle robot as if terrified. Nick tilted his head and approached the animatronic, seeing it twitch from time to time. That..was unsettling to say the least. As Nick got closer, he could see a green sludge of sorts inside the cockpit that sunk into the cracks and seams of the inside of the animatronic. Hm.. TamaBruti must’ve left some of his drippy body behind. But..if that was the case, why would TamaBruti be so scared? And why was it green?

Nick heard a rattle from inside the cockpit of the animatronic and saw the sludge begin to animate and slowly look around inside the animatronic. The sludge suddenly sprang up into the head, wiggling a little and leaving behind no trace of the sludge. Nick sat there in utter horror…

Pal suddenly threw open the door. “Nick!! There you are! What in the WORLD are you doing in my warehouse?! I-I thought I locked it!” Pal looked rather angry. “E-Erm- Pal! I-I just-,” Nick sputtered before focusing on what he just saw. “P-Pal! Th-There’s-!” Pal brushed it off. “There’s nothing! We have another thing today to do! No time to talk!” Pal said quickly, continuing to interrupt Nick whenever he tried to tell Pal about what he saw. “P-Pal it’s something with-!” “With the tamas. I see that, Nick. They have night terrors you know!” Pal brushed himself off.

When the tamas approached Pal to try and tell him what they and Nick saw, Pal wasn’t listening. He picked up TamaBruti and chuckled softly. “What, did you have a bad dream? I bet you did, it was rather cold last night.” Pal set down TamaBruti and went back to ridiculing Nick for entering the warehouse without permission.

“P-Pal-!! I-If you could stop interrupting me..!” Nick murmured with some annoyance in his tone. “I already know the story! You snuck in here to ruin my surp-!” Nick suddenly interrupted Pal. “PAL! There is a weird green sludge in Percy!” Pal looked immediately annoyed with Nick piping up. “Excuse me?” “Both me and the tamas saw it! It went up into Percy’s head! It was bright green!” Nick sputtered to explain. Pal raised a brow, really skeptical. A bright green parasite? Must’ve been the gasoline getting to him. “The parasites in Welton are black in color..not..bright green, Nick.” Nick felt defeated.

“Y-You should at least check!” Nick hissed. If Nick hadn’t been seeing stuff, he didn’t want Pal to get hurt. Assuming he can even feel pain but you know what he means. Pal rolled his eyes. “Fine, but I’m telling you, there’s nothing inside the mech,” Pal grabbed a ladder. He set it up and entered the animatronic. Pal turned it on and looked up into the head area where a small fan ran. Pal investigated the area, searching for the green goop.

Nothing. Genuinely nothing was there. No matter how much Pal searched, there were no traces of a green sludge. Pal huffed and turned off the animatronic. He huffed to himself angrily and climbed out of the animatronic. He had a bit of trouble but nothing too bad as he closed the hatch and put away the ladder. “I found nothing, Nick. No traces of anything in the slightest. Now come on, let’s get ready. There’s a nearby fair with a cool few rides,” Pal smiled softly and led Nick out of the warehouse.

The second Pal and Nick left for the fair, the animatronic’s eyes glowed bright green. Each of the tamas froze up as a voice crackled through. “Not…happy..Eye…” The voice growled and roughly controlled the animatronic to approach the tamas. TamaOpti stared up at the glowing, glaring, green eyes of the animatronic. “You left me behind, Eye..” The animatronic growled and looked down upon the tamas. TamaOpti stood in front of them, protecting the others. TamaOpti growled back in response.

B-Bad leader…! U-Unfit! Undeserving of the role! Y-You overworked us! No breaks! Ready to collapse at the drop of ooze!

The parasite growled loudly and nearly crushed them into worthless goop and electronic components. “You think your new, DISGUSTING, human friend is good? Do you even remember what they did to us!? All the pain we endured! All the stuff they did to test different forms?! EVERY SINGLE THING!”

OPTI DOESN’T CARE! FILOS WAS UNDESERVING OF THE ROLE! FILOS WORKED US DOWN! FILOS IS A BAD LEADER!!

“Optii..is that what your stupid owner calls you? OPTI.” Filos approached Opti. He was trying his absolute best to look as intimidating as possible. Opti narrowed his eye with a hiss.

Filos will not hurt The Tamas. Opti won’t let Filos hurt Pal or The Tamas.

“The Tamas! HA! Should’ve known you guys would go for the first host you could find..! Personally, I’m planning on something much better..! That human looked like the perfect host! He already looked mechanical enough..weak minded too..!” Filos laughed proudly and loud enough to send shivers down all The Tamas’ nonexistent spines.

Opti won’t let Filos hurt Pal!

Filos kept laughing like a maniac, dripping down into Percy’s cockpit. “You can’t stop me..! You couldn’t stop them from destroying Chomp..! You couldn’t stop Copy from running away from the group! You’re useless, Eye! Completely useless! I’ll take Pal AND your lives using his body! I’ll make sure the last thing you traitors see is Pal’s controlled body slaughtering you all! ONE. BY. ONE!! EGHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!” Filos jumped back into Percy’s head and controlled Percy back into his original position. Opti’s eye shone with fear. Bruti cooed in a panic and raced around in a circle around Opti, panic stricken!

Opti is crazy! Cool but super crazy! Filos will kill all The Tamas! The Tamas are DEEAADD!! DOOMED!!

Lanki agrees with Bruti! Opti is a mad parasite! That and a daredevil!

Roachi1 says Opti is stupid! Roachi2 thinks Opti is brave! Roachi3 agrees with Roachi2! Roachi4 agrees with Roachi1!

TamaOpti could feel himself twisting with indescribable anxiety. They were all right. Filos would crush them! Pulverize them! Eat them for breakfast in the most gruesome way possible! The Tamas were no match for ‘Them’ and that was proven with Chomp’s death. Is this the feelings Pal felt when he was experiencing one of his attacks..? This felt awful..! So awful..! TamaOpti felt weak..heavy..light..! Shaky..! Before the other tamas could help, Opti fell to the ground and turned into pure goop on the ground the second he did.

The Tamas squeaked and rushed to help him up. It barely helped calm his nonexistent nerves honestly. If it did anything at all! The Tamas carefully pulled their leader to the beds and laid him down. They weren’t gonna move from the beds. They needed to make sure that their leader was okay.

Hours went by and the sun slowly crossed over the sky. The fair was alright and Pal even managed to win a rigged game. Nick was a little surprised by this before looking over at a ride known as The Gravatron. He never liked it much growing up and neither did Pal judging by his immediate look of ‘aw hell no’. Pal shook his head, “You’re not seriously thinking about going on that one, right? Do you even remember what happened last time!?” Pal asked. “I do remember, Pal but I was stupid and not to mention, 19 at the time. I’m..s-sure nowadays that I could handle it..!” Nick clenched his fists a little. “If you go on, don’t expect me to be following you onto it. I’m too small! Luckily for me..” Pal said. “Unfortunately for me,” Nick murmured and began to walk towards it.

“W-Wait! C-Can we get popcorn first? Y’know fair, carnival, circus and movie popcorn is the best, Nick!” Pal said, looking over at one of the stands. Nick hadn’t seemed to notice, allowing Pal to sneak away for a moment to get Popcorn. He looked over and saw how far Nick already had gotten during that time.

Pal squeaked and quickly caught up to Nick walking away. “I-I mean..! Y-You don’t h-have to go on it! Y-You don’t have anyone to prove yourself too!” Pal tugged on Nick’s wrist a little. “I-I’m too small to be alone! I’ll get lost in the crowds!” Pal said, being very insistent on Nick not going on. Nick sighed. “Then..I-I don’t know, Pal! Erm..meet me at the funhouse? D-Don’t go inside it of course..! Just erm..stay outside and wait. I’m going on The Gravatron, Pal.” Pal shook his head and kept trying to pull Nick away from it. “...Pal.” Nick said firmly. Pal’s face mixed into anxiety. “I’m not gonna disappear, buddy..” Nick pulled away from Pal. “...I-I can’t..” Nick shook his head and stepped into the line. Pal knew he’d be back but..still, it hurt some. Slowly, Pal nodded and walked off to the funhouse.

Approaching the funhouse, Pal could’ve sworn he saw something run behind it but when he checked, he only saw a trace of black goop on the back of the wall. “...??” Pal touched it and pulled away, recoiling at the feel. It was much colder than any of the tamas despite clearly being made of the same stuff. After Pal pulled away, a lizard-like eye appeared in the goop. Pal was a little startled by the goop revealing itself to still be alive..!

Pal watched the goop fall from the wall and form into a gecko-like creature. The creature hissed loudly and began to back Pal up against the fence. It kept hissing louder and louder, getting closer and closer to Pal. It’s tail flicked and began to turn green. Its eyes turned green and before long, Pal had been pinned against the wall by a near identical copy of himself!

The copy growled loudly, glaring at Pal. It hushed a trying growl. Its voice warped and gurgled with a pained grumble before it spoke, “Baad…bad..! Eviiil..cretain..!” It pointed at Pal. “Know.. you did..something..with the.. otherss..” Pal stared at the copy. “..The others..?” Pal slowly sat down as the copy pulled away. “EYE…! HEAVY…! LANKY…! BUG…! FILOS…!” Pal’s eyes widened a little and Pal slowly nodded. He then paused. “..I know who you’re talking about. But who’s Filos? I helped Eye, Heavy, Lanky and Bug. They’re safe at my warehouse but I don’t know who..Filos is,” Pal said, slowly holding out his popcorn in case the copy wanted any. The copy approached, pupils dilating with curiosity. The copy’s arm suddenly launched outwards and grabbed a large fist full of the popcorn. Pal squeaked and pulled back a little. The copy began to greedily gulp the popcorn down. “..Could you tell me who..Filos is?” Pal asked softly. The copy’s eyes darted over to Pal. The copy hissed and refused to answer. “..Okay, how about this, you tell me who Filos is, and I’ll give you some more..” Pal shook the popcorn cup.

The copy’s eyes narrowed and it drew closer to Pal to try to steal the popcorn. Pal held it away from the copy. No matter how hard the copy tried, Pal wouldn’t give it the popcorn. “Grrr…fine..!” The copy hissed and pulled away, finishing its fistful of popcorn. “Filos..he’s a parasite like the others. Green in color and destined to be leader of the pack..but Eye..! He was sure that Filos would lead us to our crushed deaths..! His arrogance cost Chomp’s life..!” The Copy growled. “Filos wants his revenge…” The Copy narrowed its eyes. “...Where do you all come from?” Pal handed The Copy the rest of his popcorn.

The Copy was about to answer when Nick showed back up. He looked a little weak honestly. The Copy hissed loudly and took on Nick’s appearance for just a moment before it morphed into its base form and fled with the popcorn. Nick was a little nervous before but now, he was terrified to say the least. He stood there, completely frozen up.

Pal sputtered before hugging Nick quickly. Nick was shaky, no doubt from the ride. “...Who-.. What was that, Pal??” Nick asked softly, still shaking at the sight of the copy. “Well erm..it was related to the tamas and told me about a parasite that I have yet to see. A green parasite named Filos.” Nick heaved a little and rested a little in Pal’s arms. “Oh..c-coolio..” Nick slowly, very slowly, took his popcorn from Pal and began to slowly eat it. “You look sick, Pal..I assume riding The Gravatron didn’t go too well..?” Pal gently held onto Nick. “I..*hrk*..was spinning so fast I was stuck to the wall...” Nick whined.

Pal sighed, “You’re in no condition to walk home..I’ll call an uber..” Pal scooped up Nick. “Thanks…” Nick pouted softly.

Pal looked behind him for a moment, staring at the haunting eyes of the copycat. The gecko slowly crawled down from the fence and approached Pal. “Yes, Copy? I’m..heading home at the moment. I don’t think I have a spare bed for you,” Pal watched the lizard crawl up his leg and onto his head. “Heavy…the others were annoying but Heavy was always nice…” Pal sighed. “Guess you’re coming home with me then?” “I don’t see why not..” Pal chuckled a little as he called an uber. “Alrighty then..I gave the others new names by the way. Opti is Eyes, Bruti is Heavy, Lanki is..well, Lanky, and Roachi is Bug, alright? You want a new name too?” Pal gently pet the copycat under the chin. “...Mimik will work just fine..” Pal nodded and kept petting Mimik gently.

Pal waited outside of the fair. It was already dark. The glow of the ride in the low light of the night was gorgeous. Best part of the fair. Not the food and definitely not the games..but all the glorious lights..! Pal sighed sadly and waved goodbye as the uber pulled up. Pal laid Nick down in the backseat and got up in the front seat. “You ain’t no adult, get in the-” Before the driver could finish, Pal pulled out his Id. “I am actually. Besides, my friend back there is sick and needs to lay down in the back.” The driver huffed and drove to the address Pal had given him in the call.

Once they had arrived, Pal paid and helped Nick out of the backseat. “Come on, Nick..I won’t bother you with games or anything tonight..” Pal hauled Nick inside to the guest room. Nick got into bed and laid on his left side to feel better. “I also have some Sprite if you need it,” Pal murmured. Nick let out a gentle groan and pulled the blanket up and over his head. “..Okay, bud..” Pal turned on the fan and left the room to his warehouse to introduce Mimik to the rest of the Tamas. Maybe check up on his mech, Percy Poodle again before leaving…

[bunbeeplays]

Ophelia doesn't start her first shift at The Blue Velvet until tomorrow night, but her boss is nice enough to let her get the feel of the place during the lunch shift the day before. She can even keep any tips she earns!

Of course Dirk Dreamer, a proper celebrity, would show up to the club during Ophelia's first time performing. He was nice enough to tip, even if he barely looked up from his phone, but he rejected her request for an autograph. Back to playing, I guess.

Ophelia keeps playing, but she's not getting much attention thanks to Dirk. She got a lot of tips, at least! Guess having someone draw the crowds in has its perks. Before she ends her "shift", our girl sneaks a cheeky Dirk Pic to post on Social Bunny lol

Before attempting to use her employee discount at the bar, Ophelia spots a lesser known celebrity: Hector Laurent. The Laurents are big wigs in the wedding industry. Maybe he's looking for his next big wedding singer? A little schmoozing couldn't hurt.

Ophelia strikes up a friendly conversation and actually hits it off with Hector. He must have liked her performance despite Dirk's intrusion. Then again, he's feeling a bit flirty... And there's just something about Ophelia...

That didn't last long. Hector straight up bounced as soon as his wife Hilary tried to join the conversation. Hilary had actually been five feet away the whole time so she knew Ophelia wasn't trying any funny business with her husband. Might as well chat with the local talent.

Hilary liked Ophelia's skills as a pianist, even left a generous tip, but something about her was... off. Maybe the poor kid was just nervous. Their family was kind of a big deal. Hilary tries not to judge her too harshly, and admittedly does have a pleasant conversation with her

Ophelia might have come off a little strong, but she sure is passionate about the things she loves. Hilary can appreciate that. Before she has to go, Ophelia tells her she'll be a regular performer at the Blue Velvet. Hilary makes a mental note of that.

On her way home, Ophelia stops at the museum to admire the artwork and dreams of her other plan to make money until she makes it big - stealing cool shit. Oh, did I forget to mention Ophelia is a kleptomaniac?

Our girl Ophelia doesn't have much, but she's content for the time being... until she earns enough mischief skill to start swiping things. Or earn enough from her musical skills to live comfortably. Whichever comes first.

Ophelia celebrates her semi-successful first day in Willow Creek by blowing half of her tips she earned on a poke bowl from Zoomers. Typical Simillennial.

Ophelia, also a part of the hustle culture, makes sure to tip her Zoomers deliverer, even if she did sort of threaten her. Snitches get stitches.

Oh, I forgot poke bowls give your Sims a focused buff. Well, Ophelia certainly put it to good use... by watching the Dream Home Decorator Network until she almost passed out. I mean, in all fairness, it did give her a boost in the Handiness skill.

Next

[racingtoaredlight]

A Very Special Guest Post From TonyToniToneHasDoneItAgain

Hello to the commentariat! I contacted Clyde a few weeks ago asking if I could cash in my "Stein Winners Get A Crack At Writing This Thing" as part of the College Football Pool extravaganza. Now, a couple of items of note: I can’t remember when I won the Stein (2018?) and I had started writing something I was going to use, but I forgot to finish it and didn’t follow through. The topic? Being diagnosed with ADHD at 51. As Alanis would say: ironic, don’t you think?

Anyway, last weekend Mrs. TTT and I, along with our youngest, decided to check out the Funky Flea. This is basically a Flea Market that is….that’s it, it’s a flea market. Where the Funky part comes in, I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is this: the time to shop for RTARLers is done as I have compiled some awesome ideas for the commenter on your Easter list! People buy Easter gifts, right?

Apologies to a certain Boston podcaster who used to write who did a schtick like this. Bigger apologies to anyone that gets left out…maybe stop changing your screen name every 2 days. (ALL PRICES ARE IN CANADIAN DOLLARS…WHAT SAVINGZ!!!)

To Spencer096…that guitar he’s been searching for…

Now, admittedly I am not a guitar aficionado but does this not look like something he would use to practice his techniques? WATCH HIS LEFT HAND…RIGHT HAND…LEFT HAND AGAIN! It’s only $199 according to the 3 year old who made the price tag. Maybe they will throw in the Tupperware bin of picks for free. Not sure what shape the body of the guitar is supposed to represent…something classy no doubt. I should pay more attention to Spencer’s blog posts, I am sure he has explained it to me. Maybe ask this guy:

To Vlad and Wayne Fontes Safari…something Michigany!

Now I know there is another person that would really enjoy something in the Card Collectables Realm (wait your turn BoTS) but Vlad may enjoy this Red Wing legend! I must admit, though, being a Canadian I am required to have an Encyclopedic knowledge of hockey but I do not remember anything about Alex Delvecchio. He’s been in the Hall of Fame almost as long as I have been alive so he must have been the Jaromir Jagr of his day if he played for 24 seasons. I looked for anything Wolverines/Lions for WFS but this Flea Market was only so Funky so you will have to share…you can get the Doug Harvey card above! I actually knew who he was!!

To MSUNY and Ricky…Hilarious Hunting Hats

This looks like the type of thing Ricky would wear…and MSUNY too? Maybe? Not sure but believe me when I say these were the only hats I could post here as the others had…ummm…different hunting “slogans”.

To my man Some Random Old Dude…from YOUR Montréal Expos, Andre Dawson! 

Now I have to be honest here, I got pretty excited when I saw this. Then I thought about my internet friend who is also a fan of Les Expos. There were only 3 problems: one, they were asking 80 dollars for this (eBay had them for 39); two, I remembered that Andre never wore this version of the Expos jersey (it was the much cooler older one); and three, they had spelled Dawson DAHSUN…okay I made that last one up. Maybe SROD would consider a trade for a copy of his novel.

To Clyde…some “reading material”... 

I looked around to see if there was anything Maine-related or obscure violent films…no. So I thought he may enjoy this classic magazine. It’s in a plastic bag so you KNOW it is valuable (or maybe for other reasons…yuck). Also from what I’ve been told if Clyde got “excited” he may take out half the booths here simply walking by. FYI this is Playmate of the Year Lisa Baker from the confusing town of Detroit, Texas. She actually did another layout in 1997 at age 53 and as far as the internet says, is still kicking ass at 80.

For Black…hell the whole crew…the official #meetup shirt

So, ironic item #2, I had this writeup done and then yesterday the somehow clairvoyant WHO IS MEGABLACK?? posted this:

To Scripty…something I think he actually asked me for…

I vaguely remember having an online conversation about license plates and that he asked for this one. If this is true let me know and I can possibly deliver it to you. FYI, it says Green Province but it doesn’t mean recycling but that it is “inexperienced” or “not ripe”...

To BoTS…a card I am sure he does not have but MUST…

I don’t even know where to begin with this…was this a photoshop job? Did Bedard agree to wear the Seinfeld puffy shirt for a hockey card company? Does he moonlight as a background singer for Hamilton? What the hell is this and how much is it worth? Like the Playboy, it is behind plastic. Why?? Anyway, if anyone knows the worth of it, BoTS will…

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

And there you have it! We plan on going back again in a couple of weeks so I will be on the lookout for:

DVD copy of Season 1, The Grinder for JHUJ;

There were a bunch of ties here that Trey may like

Butters asked if I could look for some offense for the White Sox but I don’t think the Funky Flea works that way;

Lots of old smelly Men’s League Hockey jerseys for Terry Dixon

Longtime Lurker? He isn’t around long enough for me to know what he likes!

Happy Easter, RTARL!

[pride-moth]

Preemptive Helluva Boss Season 2 Episode 2 Defense

Okay so obviously I can't tell the future, but I have the sneaking suspicion that some people might take issue with the fact that, in this episode, Blitzo and Stolas are pretty much right back to where they were before the whole date debacle.

And I get that! It can easily be seen as odd! But I have a few things to say about it! (Call copium if you want, but I stand by what I'm gonna say here)

We're still missing an episode.

Viv did say that the final episode of Season 1 isn't super plot-heavy, BUT we still haven't seen it which means that we're not currently privvy to what might have been said in there. With how this episode went, it's easy for me to imagine that Blitzo and Stolas might have spoken to each other and ended Season 1 on a "haha let's just forget about whatever that was haha" kind of thing.

2. They're kind of real for all that tbh

I feel like in my (admittedly short) adult life I've been in multiple situations where I've left things off with a person kind of awkwardly or maybe we were mad at each other or whatever. But then when circumstances forced us back together, we kind of defaulted back to our status quo? That seems to me what's likely to have happened here, too. Blitzo and Stolas haven't really talked since Ozzie's, maybe only business-wise, but then Via goes missing and Blitzo calls him up and they just... Default back to the way they usually are! Stolas is flirty, Blitzo is brash and kind of rude (though he seems to be like??? Way more flustered arund Stolas now, talk about a mood right there, that's what happens to me every time I admit to having a crush on someone to myself) because that's just... Easier than sorting out ALL THAT while also dealing with a whole other problem.

3. Well, you might still wanna have your main characters interact while saving the big confrontation/reconciliation/whatever for later

It's the second episode of the season, so obviously we're not gonna make huge headway with regards to character-development yet. I think it's smart to still have Stolas and Blitzo interact and I think if anything, this episode kind of established that even if things are awkward and lots of feelings go unspoken, they can't really stay away from each other. They can't stop being flirty with each other.

4. Unrelated miscellaneous things I liked

I love how this episode was more about Octavia and Loona (you know, I don't want you to get the impression that I didn't get that via me ranting about Stolitz for too long here, but I did get that and I enjoyed it!) I liked how they bonded over having flawed fathers who, nonetheless, care about them immensely. I thought this episode was unabashedly hilarious in a way the last 2 (S1E7 and S2E2 at the point of posting) weren't. I loved human Stolas, he was so lanky and cute! Also, I love a good massacre, too, we haven't had one of those in a while.

ANYWAY, I really liked this episode and idk maybe everyone else did too and I'm acting prematurely here, but I just thought I should get my thoughts out there okay bye

[plus-size-reader]

Hack Job

Jerome Valeska x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2315 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Jerome comes back from the dead with his face stapled on and she needs to help him put it back

—————————————————————————————————

You were bored.

Gotham was the kind of city where you could never really know what to expect, and you had to be ready for anything. There was always something going on, or going wrong, but tonight, that didn’t seem to be the case.

It was an unusually quiet Friday night, with nothing of note happening, and really, you were glad for it.

Having nothing going on was better than having to deal with the truth.

Since Jerome was killed, nothing had the same gusto as before. You didn’t find anything exciting, or worthwhile and that didn’t seem to be changing anytime soon.

You missed him.

So, rather than think about anything else, you decided to keep doing what you’d been doing all this time. You were going to spend the rest of your life on your couch with a bucket of popcorn and shitty news coverage.

Shitty news coverage all about Jerome.

Evidently, the rest of the world was celebrating the death of the man you loved, even though you were more miserable than you had ever been. You didn’t want to do this whole thing without him.

Even tonight, which started out fairly normal, was dull and dreary.

You had a pint of your favorite ice cream and a spoon, as well as the newest episode of your favorite show, but you couldn't have cared at all.

Nothing was going to make you feel better.

Unfortunately though before you could feel too bad for yourself, all that had to be put on hold when the doorbell of your apartment went off, echoing through the small space like the abrasive chiming of church bells.

“Coming” you groaned, standing from your couch with a groan, leaving the old blanket you had been cuddled up with in your place. You were desperately hoping they would just go away.

You weren’t in the mood for any company but you knew that whoever it was would just keep knocking. In this city, you were painfully aware of everyone who lived around here and they all sucked.

They wouldn’t go away.

...But it wasn’t like something terrible was going to happen.

You had no idea who could be visiting at this hour, but you doubted anyone would try to pull anything on you.

Everyone knew you as Jerome Valeska’s girlfriend so they didn’t dare inflict the wrath of his killer cult, who basically worshiped you as a goddess, even now.

The fact that Jerome was gone wasn’t going to change the way they felt about him, or how they felt about you by proximity. As long as you were alive, everything that Jerome had believed in was alive.

That was all they needed.

However, the moment the door swung open, you knew your ice cream would be long forgotten, left to melt without a doubt. 

After all, the last thing you expected to see on a Friday night was your dead boyfriend but in Gotham you had to be ready for anything.

“Jerome?”

The word came out as a single gasp from the back of your throat, your jaw slack as you tried to collect yourself. All that did, of course, was cause hot tears to spill from your eyes and down your cheeks.

It was weird.

You had never been super emotional, in all your life, but for some reason, this was really getting to you. You couldn’t handle the rush of emotion that hit you as you tried to fathom a million things at once.

Jerome was dead.

You had seen him die, and the coverage of his murder was all over the news. It wasn’t like you’d imagined the whole thing, or forgotten to take your medicine again.

It was real.

Though, before you could get too worked up in that, you pulled Jerome into your body as tightly as you could. You didn’t want him to disappear again, even if you couldn’t figure out how this happened.

It didn’t really matter as long as he wasn’t going anywhere.

You sighed, taking in his scent as deeply as you could just to make sure that he was really here. 

He smelled faintly like formaldehyde but buried beneath all that was his calming scent that a few moments ago, you would have killed to smell again.

Somehow, you’d managed to forget just how much it meant to you.

“Are you real?” you whispered into the crease of his neck. You were no stranger to the odd hallucination in the past, but this was much more than that.

Hallucinating Jerome like this would be far too cruel to handle.

“Course I am” he grinned, pulling you closer before letting go completely, heading inside the apartment as if he owned it, which technically he did. After all, you’d bought it with the money he’d stolen.

The scene that Jerome walked into was hilarious, it was as if he hadn’t even left and you had been waiting for him to return.

The blanket you had been cuddling with was the only thing that was out of place, it had come from his closet, not from your shared bed.

He picked it up and looked back at you in questioning with a smirk dressing his lips. “It smelled like you” you level, shrugging and making your way over to him, before crashing down next to his body on the couch.

It was just like it always was, like it should have been all along.

You let yourself melt into his chest as you crawled into his lap, letting him wrap the before-mentioned blanket around you both as you moved closer.

...but there was one thing that you’d yet to address, and one thing that you needed to talk about.

Jerome wasn’t completely the same as you remembered because as you snuggled into him and let your fingers dance over the skin of his jaw, you were met with the cold chill of metal.

That was certainly new.

You pulled your hand away quickly and looked up at him in shock “What was that?” you whisper, keeping your voice low so as to not disturb the peace. You still hadn’t gotten any answers as to what was happening, but you certainly should have noticed that.

In the dark, it must have skipped your mind. You hadn’t noticed, but now that you had, it was kind of hard to go back to cuddling as if everything was fine.

It definitely wasn’t.

Apparently, Jerome's had his face stolen and as best you could tell, had attempted to reattach it with a staple gun.

“Oh no J, what did you do?” you whined, naturally concerned that he’d made some kind of half-cocked choice that was going to hurt him. He was prone to irrational solutions and you were worried.

There was silence between the two of you for a moment or so as you thought about what you were going to do before you stood from the warm cocoon you’d created on the couch completely.

You had to do something about this.

“How did this happen?” you muttered, taking his hands in your own to lead him to the table where you could get a better look at him. You didn’t really want an answer from him, of course.

It was just more of that nervous prattling you tended to get up to when you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

“I did the best I could with what I had” he shrugged, as if there was nothing wrong with the way he had chosen to attach his face. In his mind, he didn’t think that he could have done any better but you knew differently.

It looked like a mess.

“You might as well have super glued it” you teased, sitting him down and getting to work looking him over. It was an absolute chaotic solution to what had happened, and frankly, you weren’t even a tad bit shocked.

The edges of his skin, held together with a few thick staples, were jagged and ridiculous.

“Careful princess, I didn’t exactly have you around to put it back on for me” he chides, admiring your concentration as you studied him. Your tongue peeked out between your lips as you did your best to pick at the staples without hurting him.

They had to come out.

Anything was better than having rusty metal holding your lover’s face on, and you were sure it wasn’t comfortable. As unpleasant as it was to look at, you could only imagine it felt that much worse.

“Stop me if I’m hurting you” you suggested, knowing fully that he wouldn’t. No matter what he was feeling, he was never going to admit that he was hurting. He was never going to do that, not ever.

Instead, all you could do was smile as you looked him in the eye, continuing to pluck at the metal in his face.

“I missed you” Jerome hummed, moving on completely from what you’d been talking about. He didn’t care about if his face hurt or about the fact that he was literally back from the dead.

Nothing mattered to him any more than you did.

“I missed you too” you whispered, taking in the predatory look in his eyes as he looked at you. You found yourself admittedly taken aback by that because you hadn’t seen that look in almost a year.

You really had.

Jerome was your greatest friend, and the love of your life. Having to live life without him for so long was awful, and you never wanted to do it again.

If you could help it, he would stay by your side forever.

“Y/N” he sighed, catching you off guard. Jerome very rarely used your real name so at first you were concerned you had hurt him, or that something was wrong. 

However, all he really wanted was for you to give him the attention he’d been craving.

You were trying desperately to get his face cleaned up but he was already bored of that. So bored, in fact, that he slid his hands under your ample thighs to pull you into his lap, earning a heavy sigh from you.

This was going to take forever.

“Jerome” you scoffed, doing your very best to get away from his hold so that you could finish up here, but he wasn’t having any of it. In fact, the more you struggled against his hold, the more Jerome laughed.

This was one big game for him.

“I have to get you cleaned up J, you need to let me” you grumbled, doing everything that you could to figure this out. You were well aware of how difficult he could be but this was serious.

He could really run into trouble with this.

“But that’s no fun at all” he huffed, pressing a kiss to your face as gingerly as he could. It had been too long since he’d been able to hold you and right now, the last thing he wanted to do was wait for anything.

Especially not for you to sew his face back on.

Without hesitation, you stood from his lap and headed over to the medicine cabinet before he could argue with you over it. 

He wasn’t happy about it, of course, which you could tell because of the hefty slap on your ass as you did so.

Thankfully though, you didn’t have to care about that because you had a job to do right now and it was far more important than whatever he wanted to do. You had plenty of time to spend together now that he was back.

You didn’t exactly have any experience reattaching faces but you knew anything you could do would be better than the hack job he was currently walking around with.

At least if you took over, it would be clean.

After quite a bit of going back and forth, you decided that a spool of thread and a sharp, disinfected needle was going to be your best option. 

You practically soaked everything in 95% pure alcohol, and if it wasn’t clean, not was.

The last thing you wanted was for Jerome to be walking around with a painful, infected face, so you let the needle disinfect for a little longer just in case.

Once you felt it was good enough, you headed back over to the table where Jerome was now pretending to be dead against the hardwood, always the drama queen.

“Get up you goofball” you ordered, playfully smacking his shoulder with the back of your hand before setting everything you had gathered down in a huge pile.

You weren’t looking forward to doing this but it had to be done and you couldn’t exactly take him to urgent care to get it done.  After all, the man you loved was still a wanted criminal, even though some people didn’t know he was alive.

“Okay J, this might sting a little” you sigh, biting into the plump flesh of your bottom lip to stifle your own nerves.

Jerome wondered if maybe you were more bothered by this than he was, but he thought it was cute so he said nothing regarding it.

“That’s okay kitten, I’ve got something to hold onto” he smirks, grabbing onto you before you could even ask what he meant. 

Jerome Valeska was always a terrible flirt but considering you hadn’t seen each other in nearly a year on top of that, you couldn’t imagine how bad he was going to get.

It wasn’t until you felt his hands snake around your waist that you understood the meaning of his words, your suspicions were confirmed when he took two big handfuls of your jean wrapped ass and kneaded the flesh through the fabric.

This was definitely not how you thought your night was going to go this morning, but at least he was alive.

[kthstrawberryshortcake]

BTS Reactions: Their S/O is Inexperienced Yet in Their Mid 20s

A/N: Here it is, my first post after my long-ass hiatus :) I hope you guys enjoy it! Requests are OPEN, please send some over! <3

PREMISE: OT7 reacting to finding out that their s/o is physically inexperienced relationship-wise / that this is their s/o’s first relationship despite them being in their mid 20s

A/N: I think a lot of people won't understand why this is a reaction in the first place (lol) but it can be super uncomfortable / awkward to have not dated / had any experience at that age, and a lot of people react badly to finding that out about someone. It's definitely an insecurity for a lot of people (myself included).

warning: mostly unedited due to my status as a trash gremlin

Jin:

Jin was completely shocked when he found out that you had never dated before him. Without thinking, he let this incredulity show on his face, total surprise evident and eyebrows raised. He was briefly silent in disbelief. You took that to mean that he thought you were weird now. You certainly felt that way.

Involuntarily, tears welled up in your eyes and Jin finally registered your distress. “What’s wrong?” he asked in concern, gently brushing away a stray tear from your cheek. You stared down at your feet, murmuring “You probably think I’m super strange now.” in explanation. Jin shook his head insistently, imploring that he didn’t find it weird at all.

“Honestly I was just shocked because I don’t know how you didn’t have people practically lining down the block to date you.” He explained, bringing a small smile back to your face. He pulled you into a hug, assuring you that he was in no hurry as long as he got to spend time with you.

Yoongi:

You and Yoongi were having a cozy night in and catching up on dramas. In the show you were presently watching, there was a character who was in her mid 20s that had never dated or even kissed anyone. Yoongi scoffed, rolling his eyes at this. “This is so unrealistic. Like come on, seriously? How do you get to be that age having never dated, having never even kissed somebody? It’s a completely absurd concept.”

You started to curl in on yourself, looking down with a tortured expression on your face. You were scared to explain the truth, fearful that if he knew he wouldn’t want you anymore. After a few minutes like that, Yoongi finally noticed your body language. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He inquired gently. How were you going to explain this to him?

“I, um… I guess I kind of freaked out when you were talking about the plot being unrealistic… You were so sure it couldn’t happen that you were annoyed by it. And then I really didn’t know how to tell you that the plot line we were discussing is literally the same as me. I’ve never dated before, you’re the first… And when you kissed me for the first time, that was my first kiss.” You took a deep breath, having exerted a lot of energy to force out your words.

Yoongi’s eyes lit up in recognition, then guilt crept onto his features. “Baby no, I’m so sorry, I completely overreacted about the show. I shouldn’t have said all that. I never wanted to hurt your feelings.” Yoongi admitted sincerely. He could tell that you felt a little bit better after that reassurance.

"It’s not a bad thing to do things on a different timeline. Plus, I got the honor of being your first boyfriend because of it. Maybe I’ll be your last.” He said the last part quietly, smirking softly before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Hoseok:

One of your favorite things about Hobi was his open and energetic attitude. He was truly one of the friendliest people you’d ever met, and it had felt easy to become close with him. You hadn’t been dating long at all, but the ease of conversation made it feel like you’d known each other for years.

On one particular day, the two of you were chatting over a dinner of your favorite delivery food. Hoseok was in the middle of a funny story about one of his exes, never one for unnecessary social boundaries or conventions, which was fine because you were laughing like crazy at the ridiculous tale he told. Then he continued, though, to tell (admittedly hilarious and absurd) stories about some of his other exes. You were entertained, certainly, though the number of people he seemed to have dated was a bit intimidating to you.

When he finally finished, he asked about *your* exes, and that was where the issue really started. You deflected, not wanting to directly bring attention to the fact that you had never dated before him. He became oddly persistent, seeming frustrated that you didn’t want to share. Not wanting him to misunderstand why you weren’t telling him what he wanted to know, you sucked it up and told him that he was your first boyfriend.

He was extremely surprised, but seemed to understand now why you had been reluctant to answer his questioning. He apologized for going on about exes for so long, and for inadvertently making you nervous. You assured him that it wasn’t a big deal, especially since the only important thing was your relationship moving forward, not either of your pasts.

Namjoon:

When you and Namjoon had only been together a few weeks (after a much longer friendship prior to your romantic relationship beginning), you were spending a nice chill evening at home, eating takeout and chatting. The two of you seemingly never ran out of things to talk about, one of the things you loved about being with him.

You don’t even remember what had led to it, but partway through the evening, he made some dumb joke about virgins and you visibly froze. You had yet to tell him about your lack of experience, and now you were terrified to. Was that really something he’d be bothered by? You hadn’t thought so, but his joking around about it made you doubt that. You did your best not to show your panic, paying unusually close attention to the glass of water you were drinking.

Unfortunately for you, your discomfort was completely apparent, and Namjoon asked you if you were okay. You nodded with a forced smile, making him frown, easily able to tell that you weren’t. You were afraid to tell him now because if it really bothered him that much, maybe it would disappoint him. Maybe it’d be a dealbreaker and he would lose interest in you. Unsure what to do, you stared at your hands, tense and worried. Namjoon lightly rested his hand on your shoulder, staring at you in concern. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” He implored gently.

At that moment you could no longer hold in your emotion, your fear, and tears began to leak from your eyes as you sniffled, starting to shake a bit as you cried. You let him pull you into his arms, holding you close as you tried to stop crying. After a few minutes of you trying to calm down, aided by Joon’s sweet behavior,  he asked again what was wrong, insisting that you could tell him anything. Your chest felt tight, but you didn’t see a way out of sharing what had upset you.

When you explained what had happened, Namjoon felt horrible, cursing himself for having said something so dumb. He told you that it was just a stupid joke, not something he actually cared about, apologizing for upsetting you with his thoughtlessness. He made sure to assure you that it wasn’t a problem for him in the least, and that he was in no rush. Afterwards the whole situation seemed a little silly, though you remembered how genuinely panicked you had been only minutes before and shuddered. But things were immediately made better, the two of you snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie.

Jimin:

Your blossoming relationship with Jimin made you feel like you were walking on a cloud. He was incredibly sweet and so much fun to spend time with, you felt very lucky to be dating him now. Just to be sweet, you had picked up food from his favorite lunch place and were bringing it to him at the BigHit building, where he was currently busy at work in a practice room.

When you arrived, the door to the room was open, but you heard voices coming from inside. You only paused when you heard Jimin say your name. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, and you were about to announce your presence until you realized what he was saying. “You know I really like her, man, I just feel so unsure right now. There has been like, zero physical affection up to this point, nothing beyond hugs and holding hands.” Jimin grumbled, sounding irritated.

Tae hummed in acknowledgement, pausing before inquiring “So obviously you’re frustrated, but what are you thinking about it?” Jimin sighed. “Maybe she just doesn’t like me as much as I like her. I don’t want to think anything bad about her, but what if she’s playing me? Like, she doesn’t have actual feelings for me.” He sounded very down, clearly hurt by the mere possibility. At that moment you were so shocked by what you were hearing, you accidentally dropped the bag of takeout, hurrying to pick it up, but you’d already drawn attention to yourself.

Jimin and Taehyung looked beyond shocked to see you, and you realized you were crying. Taehyung excused himself to let the two of you talk. You walked farther into the room, approaching the boys. “I thought we could have lunch… I know you don’t take enough breaks, and I really wanted to see you…” You admitted quietly, unable to actually make eye contact.

“I just feel so horrible, it’s all my fault that you don’t even know how crazy I am about you. I can’t believe…. I let you be unsure of how much I care about you. It’s my fault, I’m so sorry Jimin.” By the end of what you were saying, you were holding back full sobs. Seeing how distressed you were, Jimin wasted no time in rushing to you and pulling you into his arms, hugging you close.

When you’d finally calmed down and stopped crying, you thought you owed him an explanation. “The lack of physical affection isn’t because I don’t like you. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anybody. I’ve just… never done anything. I haven’t even been in a relationship before now, it’s all new to me.” You admitted, feeling Jimin stiffen in your hug.

When you pulled back to look at him, tears were welling up in his eyes. “Oh, I’m the worst…” He muttered, feeling so guilty. “I was just frustrated, I was feeling insecure. Now that I know, I don’t mind one bit waiting for anything until you’re ready.” He assured you, planting a quick kiss on your forehead as you nodded understanding.

Tae:

It had only been a few weeks since Tae had confessed his feelings to you and the pair of you had started dating. Long before that, you’d been close friends, so you had spent a lot of time together over time. During one of your first few movie nights as a couple, things slowly began to escalate between you. You were sitting close together, seemingly focused on the film, when Tae moved to put an arm around you, pulling you closer so you were snuggled up beside him.

His eyes never left the screen, but there was a telltale little smirk on his face. You rolled your eyes a little, but you certainly didn’t mind. Despite it being such a small thing, at this stage in your relationship, this was a little bit thrilling. Soon you could feel him staring at you, and you turned your head to look back at him. His face had gotten much closer to yours than you’d expected. “…Tae?” you whispered, seeing both affection and mischief in his eyes. “Yes love?” He replied quietly in his gorgeous low voice, making you shiver just slightly.

You shook your head almost imperceptibly, and before you knew it his lips were on yours. You froze, all of this being completely new and foreign for you. Feeling you stiffen and fail to reciprocate the kiss, Tae pulled back to look at your face, wearing an expression of concern. “Um, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have just… assumed you felt the same way…” He muttered nervously, not making eye contact. “No!” You exclaimed a little louder than you meant to, quieting your voice to a near-whisper before speaking again.

“No, Tae, I do feel the same way! I really, really do. I love you. I have since we were just friends. I… I want you too. Just, um, I don’t know what to do…. That was my first kiss just now and I kind of just panicked and froze.” You confessed, watching the surprise and then recognition cover his face. That was all it took to take his unsure expression back to a smug smirk. Knowing the power his voice held over you, he leaned in close to you to speak in your ear when he said “in that case, I think we need some practice, don’t you?” Oh boy.

Jungkook:

You had been seeing Jungkook for a couple of months now and it was more than apparent that he was smitten with you (and vice versa). He complimented you frequently, his heart eyes for you always clearly on display. The only problem was the way you practically jumped away from him any time he got close to you. He had definitely noticed your weird behavior, and though you didn’t know what to do about it, you knew it was only a matter of time until he brought it up in conversation.

When that moment came, you had just clammed up and pulled back from him when he tried to put his arm around you while watching a movie. When you saw his expression in reaction, you felt immensely guilty, seeing the hurt on his face. After a moment it shifted to extreme irritation, him clenching his jaw in annoyance. “What’s your problem? I can’t get anywhere near you without you freaking out and moving away in a hurry.” You couldn’t make eye contact anymore at that point, feeling the tears well up in your eyes as you were filled with the fear that you had ruined things with him.

“I… I don’t really know why I keep doing that, it’s just all new to me. I’ve never dated anyone before you so I kind of don’t know what to do with myself most of the time.” You confessed, trying to mask the sniffle that you gave as the first tear rolled down your cheek. Now it was Jungkook’s turn to feel guilty. He approached you slowly, asking you to look at him in a gentle voice. When you did, you saw that the irritation was completely gone, replaced with remorse and fondness. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, I could have just asked like an actual adult rather than how I behaved. I guess I was just insecure, afraid that you don’t like me in the same way I like you.” He explained, and you nodded slightly in understanding.

“That’s not it at all! I really *really* like you. A relationship is just totally uncharted territory for me and I handled it wrong. I should’ve just told you.” You sighed, the heaviness leaving your heart as an adorable bunny smile grew on his face. “Uncharted territory, huh? Well let me be your travel guide. We can be explorers together.” You rolled your eyes at his dumb joke, but smiled in spite of how silly his words were. You felt like now, with it all out in the open, things could be good with the two of you.

a/n: Feedback please! <3 I love to hear from y'all!

[reki-of-the-valley]

Brainrot time! - Kyan Family Edition

Reki has been doing errands and groceries for his mom since he was 12. It was a way of giving him little responsibilities and teaching him about money. His mom would give him a list of things she needed him to pick up, not too much because he was still young, and she'd give him money. He was allowed to keep the change as pocket money, which he almost always spent on sweets

As he got older, and as the family grew, the amount of things he had to get and the frequency grew. At 12 he loved it since it was the first time he had that much freedom, but at 16-17-18, it feels a lot more like a chore, not that he really minds doing it. He rather get groceries than clean a bathroom

His mom still gives him the money and lets him keep the change, but he doesn't keep it anymore. He gives everything back and when she won't accept it, he'll just dump it back into her wallet without her knowing. And from time to time, he'll use the money he makes at DopeSketch to pay for groceries, in hopes of giving his mom a break from expenses.

However, he still buys sweets whenever he's at the grocery store. The only difference is that he doesn't buy them for himself anymore; he buys them for his sisters. At first, when he was 13-14, he would share what he got with Koyomi. Then he started buying sweets for the twins because they always seemed so excited when he came home with a bag of sweet treats.

As Koyomi got older, he'd tease her by telling her to get her own sweets, that he shouldn't have to buy her anything. So she stopped asking him to get her things at the store because he always said no. (He'd say no, but he still got her whatever she wanted unless she was particularly mean to him. That was his little revenge - not giving her anything while Chihiro and Nanaka bounce with their treats - but then he'd feel bad and go out to get her something. And after everyone's gone to bed and it's just the two older Kyan siblings awake in their rooms, he'd poke his head into her room and give it to her. She pretends to be mad at him, taking whatever he's handing her, mumbling out a thanks, but he knows she's grateful and that she loves any strawberry sweets he gets her. Reki knows it's just because she's a teenager and it's not cool to love your brother)

When Reki is out and he comes across things he thinks his sisters might like, he doesn't hesitate to buy it if it's a reasonable price. It's often little things, like a funny pen he thinks Koyomi might like. A cute toy Nanaka had been looking at when everyone was out together. A replacement dress for the one Chihiro ripped while playing outside. Reki never minds spending his money on his family because he loves them. He never minds spending money on the people he loves.

The only person he doesn't put a price range on is his mother. If he sees something she might like and he can afford it, he will buy it for her. Because she buys him so many things. She takes care of him. She's his mom and he just loves her so much.

Reki is the best at dress-up and tea parties. Every Saturday afternoon he'll have a princess tea party with the twins (sometimes Koyomi will play along too if she's feeling up to it or the twins pester her enough).

Obviously, he's the prince that all the princesses love. He even puts on the crown that the twins made him out of construction paper and a ton of stickers. Or at least he's the prince until Langa plays once with them and suddenly Langa is the prince that all the princesses love

R: "What do you mean only Langa can be a prince?? What am I then?" N/C: "Reki is a princess too!" R: "Do I look like a princess to you?" L: "you can be my princess"

So Reki is stuck being a princess from that moment on and he absolutely hates the smug look on Langa's face, especially when he reminds him that he's supposed to be head over heels for the prince (Langa is living for this because 1) teasing Reki, 2) Reki has to pretend to be in love with him. If only it could be real and not just a game)

Langa is super awkward with the twins, he doesn't really know how to play princess tea party, but he quickly learns that teasing Reki, calling him a beautiful princess makes the twins giggle, so he just does that because it's easy. It's very easy to tease Reki and Reki can't do anything about it, he can't kick Langa to get him to stop because that would be setting a bad example. So he just has to endure the torture that is having his best friend dressed up like the prettiest prince he's ever seen, upgraded to an actual plastic crown (which, admittedly, Reki bought for the twins), and """pretend""" to be head over heels in love with him. Because the twins find that hilarious. They find it absolutely hilarious and have planned out a whole royal wedding for the two, inspired by their favorite princess show.

Koyomi definitely helps the twins plan the wedding because she sees how Reki looks at Langa. And she also sees how Langa looks at Reki. And she will never let them live it down, constantly reminding them of their beautiful wedding over tea, especially after they get together.

Langa Bonus:

It doesn't take long for Langa to be known as the trash can at the Kyan house, aka he will finish everyone's plate

At first he held back, not wanting to eat absolutely everything, but that didn't last very long, not with Mrs. Kyan always pushing food his way. So it's not long that he's collecting bowls and plates, finishing off whatever isn't eaten. He honestly will eat after anyone as long as they arent sick and even then, it's the worth the gamble. (Ok, maybe only if it's Reki. He'll eat after Reki no matter what, even if he has the sniffles and is literally fighting Langa to keep him away because "Dude! No! You're going to get sick if you eat after me! It's bad enough that I have a cold!")

There will be no waste around Langa. All food will be eaten and enjoyed.

However, Langa won't explicitly ask if the plate is done. If someone isn't paying attention to their food and he wants something, he will pick off their plate (except the adults because respect and all that. but Langa will pick off of both Reki and Koyomi's plate. The twins is eeehhh, he'll let the kids eat.) So that piece of meat that Reki was going to eat but got to heated in an argument with Koyomi? It's gone when he wants to eat it. Those vegetables Koyomi was pushing around her plate because she didn't want them? Langa solved that problem.

Langa will eat anything and won't stop until the table is completely cleared.

[localcactushugger]

Honestly the thing that really pisses me off, the thing that really hurts the most, about the Hawks vs. Twice conflict is the fact that they had so much potential.

I know on my blog I post mostly about Hawks and bnha leaks, but Twice was by far my favorite Villian and I loved seeing him every time he showed up. I love and understand both Hawks and Twice.

And Horikoshi fucking robbed us.

He robbed us of potentially the most hilarious and pure bromance in all of Bnha history.

All because of the fucking plot.

Think of the beautiful dynamic these two already had! They were only together for what? 2, maybe 3 months at most? And during that time they both learned to sympathize with each other. They even laughed at each other's jokes!!

They actually cared about each other even though their goals and morals didn't exactly aligne.

Both of them saw each other as "good/ kind hearted people" who were deserving of sympathy:

"You're a swell guy!" "Right back at ya."

"You're a good person."

"Anyone who wants to help their friends can't be all that bad." "I know you're good natured." "Let's fly free together!"

"I empathize with their cause." "I wanna fly free"

LOOK AT THEM JOKING AND LAUGHING TOGETHER!!!

LOOK AT THE FINGER GUNS!!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WE WERE ROBBED OF THIS:

I'm still so fucking salty about it. It's genuinely upsetting to me.

What's sad is that both of them genuinely cared and wanted to help each other. They just couldn't because their goals were so different.

Twice wanted to help his friends and "protect their happiness" more than anything, and that's why he was fine with helping them destroy/take over Japan. Because nothing matters more than the league's happiness. He'd burn down the world and "sell his soul" to make the Leauge happy! They were his friends. His family. They were his everything!

And Hawks' goal revolved around keeping the people of Japan safe. It revolved around making sure the Leauge didn't hurt anyone because "If you had just captured the Leauge when you had the chance . . ! Think of how many citizens might be alive today!" It revolved around making sure that "everyone would be able to laugh by the time the next cherry blossoms fall."

Both of them were kind hearted genuinely good people. The only difference is that they fought to protect different things.

But that doesn't mean they didn't care about each other or didn't reach out. Both of them reached out!

Twice reaching out: "I know we're being monitored right now, but I wish they'd stop spying on you! I get how you feel."

Hawks reaching out: "You've been unlucky, but you can make a fresh start once you pay for your crimes. I'll even help you start over! Because you're a good person."

Twice didn't know why a hero would sympathize with the liberation army. But a person who wanted to help his friends couldn't be that bad right?

Hawks knew how powerful Twice was and all the horrible things the Liberation army was planning for Japan. But Twice was good natured and kind right?

Both of them made efforts to understand each other. But neither of them could let go of their goals or the things they wanted to protect.

Twice remained loyal to the Leauge. To protect his friends happiness.

Hawks remained loyal to his mission. To protect the people of Japan.

Both characters were sympathetic towards each other, but at the same time they were both fiercely determined to do what they thought was right in the moment. It makes perfect sense story and character wise . . .

BUT THINK OF THE BROMANCE WE LOST!!

I'm still so upset about it!! I was so happy when Twice and Hawks started to warm up to each other, even though I knew it wouldn't turn out well.

Can you imagine these two doing finger guns? Laughing at each other's jokes?? Eating Yakitori together and making up secret handshakes???

They had such a pure, funny, bittersweet dynamic that pulled at my heart strings and made me laugh at the same time.

Honestly I don't know where I'm going with this. I just wanted to rant about the two of them for a bit because I love them both. And I just know if they weren't on the opposite sides of a war they would've been the bestest bros in the world.

Y'all can have whatever opinions you want about Hawks and Twice. But this is a post meant to appreciate their short-lived friendship and amazing dynamic. It's meant to appreciate and show love for both of their characters.

So please keep any bitter comments away from this post. I know everyone has different opinions about these two, but I've heard the debates a million times. Any disrespectful or mean notes will be deleted swiftly.

Just keep the vibes of this post nice okay? Why can we never have nice things in this fandom?

The whole Hero stan vs. Villain stan thing honestly ruins it for me, and I've quickly learned that It destroys all room for understanding and only creates division.

So whatever 12 yr old created the toxic Hero vs. Villain stan dynamic in this fandom, I hope you step on a Lego. Because I'm sure that dynamic has ruined a lot of characters for some people.

If you're someone who can't like a character just because they're a "villain" or a "hero", I'm genuinely sorry for you and I hope you know it's not your fault. This fandom likes to make the whole Hero vs. Villain thing a competition sometimes, and all the extremely biased metas don't always leave room for debate. Sometimes it can even make you feel like you have to pick a side. And it can make it hard for people to enjoy some character's as well.

People will try to demonize Twice.

People will try to demonize Hawks.

Obviously you can love whatever characters you want regardless of their roles in the story, but It's sad how that kind of division in a fandom leaves little room for understanding. And it's sad how quickly a fandom can ruin a character for some people as well. (I've had characters almost be ruined for me too. It sucks.)

Obviously, as a human being I also have my opinions, biases, and favorite characters. And having those isn't a bad thing! Just so long as you're respectful about it. And I'm saying this as someone who has, admittedly, partaken in the Hero vs. Villain stan dynamic once or twice myself. Even though I personally think that dynamic is dumb. I've also had moments where I've lost patience over "bad takes" I didn't like as well. I'm not perfect. No one is, and you can disagree with me all you like if you want. It's chill dude. 👌👌👌

But I would like to keep this post conflict free. In my opinion, Twice and Hawks are both genuinely good people. This is not something I will ever budge on. And i want to enjoy both of their beautiful characters just this once. I love and understand them both your honor. ✋😔

[imagine-darksiders]

I hope you feel better soon! When you're feeling better would you be able to write something about jealous Strife? That ask made me curious

“Do you really have to go?”

From your seat at the vanity, you heave an exasperated sigh and set down your lipstick, swivelling around in the chair to face the Horseman who stands sulking at your bedroom door.

“Strife,” you begin patiently, “I'm afraid my answer still hasn't changed since you asked me ten minutes ago.”

“Yeah, I know. It's just -” Averting his gaze, he crosses his arms and grumbles, “I thought we were gonna hang out tonight.”

“And I told you two weeks ago that I wouldn't be around tonight.”

You can't see his expression, hidden as it is behind the silver helm he wears, but you're fairly confident in guessing that there's a pout on his lips.

“And besides,” you add, “We hang out all the time. You practically live here. Hell, you've already turned my spare bedroom into your own personal den.”

'Den' is an understatement. Your spare room is now less of a bedroom more of an Earth museum, filled from floor to ceiling with all of the things that Strife has picked up simply because they took his fancy. For the most part, it's all junk. There's an obsolete gaming console that no longer works, a skateboard, a horse figurine made of glass, no less than three Nerf guns and not a foam dart between them...

Honestly, you're loathe to tell him to get rid of any of it, though you fear you might have to soon if you don't want the mess spilling out into the rest of your house.

Giving your head an exasperated shake, you check the time on your phone and stand up, throwing your bag over a shoulder. “Listen, it's just one evening with an old friend who I haven't seen since before the apocalypse. We can hang out tomorrow, I promise. But now, I really need to dash, he'll be here to pick me up any minute.”

Pausing to stuff your phone into the pocket of your trousers, you head towards the door, hardly noticing that the Horseman is still standing in front of it with his arms folded neatly across a broad, armoured chest. It's only because you glance up right at the last second that you manage to avoid a painful collision. “Um...Strife?” you ask, halting in your tracks, “... Move?”

In response, he simply leans back against your door and begins to inspect the claws on one of his gauntlets. “Nah... I'd rather hear about this friend of yours. You've never mentioned him.” Pausing, he shoots you a sly smirk that you can sense more than see, his golden eyes flashing, “You guys close?”

With a roll of your eyes, you mimic his posture, crossing your arms and giving him a glare that would make Death proud. “Strife, what's gotten into you? I just said I'm going to be late for my friend.”

“Yeah, I get that,” he returns coolly, “Just wanna know that my friend isn't walking into a trap.”

“Oh wow – a trap? Really? Of all the-” You cut yourself off and raise a hand, massaging at your temple. “Okay. Now you're just being ridiculous. It's not a trap.”

“Why don't you let me come with you, just in case?”

“Because!” you cry, throwing your arms up, “It'll be awkward! You remember what I taught you about third-wheeling?”

He remembers it well, in fact. Just like he remembers everything you teach him, committing the moments to memories that he'll carry with him until the day he snuffs it. He only has you for less than a hundred years, after all, and he's determined to remember every last bit of it. The Universe must have thought itself pretty hilarious when it placed you in his life. Of all the creatures in all the realms, the one he ends up caring about most just so happens to be the one with the shortest lifespan. It makes him want to hunt down the Creator and shoot a hole where a heart might be.

Shoving down his contempt for the omnipotent bastard, Strife returns his attention to you and lifts his shoulders in a shrug. “I don't mind tagging along. You know, just in case I have to watch your back.”

Your response hits him harder than a crack from Fury's whip. “I don't need you to watch my back every second of every day! Stop being so paranoid.”

The Horseman is too proud and obstinate to ever let the stab of hurt show in his eyes, but he can't ignore its presence in his chest.

He is not being paranoid... He's being a good friend - watching your back, looking out for you, all the things a friend is supposed to do. Not that he's had much experience being friends with a human. Or anyone, for that matter, who isn't a horse or his siblings. It's been a learning curve for both of you, though more-so for him, and so far, the most prominent challenge he's faced is balancing the line between being a friend and being an overprotective nuisance.

It perhaps hasn't helped that, ever since humanity was resurrected, the pair of you have been nigh inseparable. He's grown used to your presence – is dependant upon in, according to Death; a fact that Strife had vehemently tried to deny, at least until he learned that you'd made plans. Plans with someone else. Plans that didn't involve him.

It was only once he'd taken some time to reflect and found that he had indeed been glued to your side for months, that he realised the awful truth.

His older brother was right, after all. The smug ass.

A shudder rolls over the Horseman's body and he blinks, realising that in the few seconds he's been lost in thought, you've managed to reach around him to push open your bedroom door.

“Hey!” he complains as you all but shove past, and he – being the soft-touch that he is – simply allows himself to be moved aside. Grumbling, he follows you across the landing and down your sweeping staircase until you reach the front door and stop beside it.

From outside, the thunderous roar of an approaching, automobile's engine thrums in his ears.

“That's him!” you chirp, and Strife hates the way your face lights up at the mention of whoever 'he' is.

Throwing open your door, you head outside and try to pull it shut behind you, yet find your efforts abruptly halted by the Horseman sticking close to your heels. He ducks through the low doorframe and moves to stand beside you, his viciously keen gaze raking over the vehicle that idles at the end of your driveway.

By his own admission, Strife has always had a weakness for those 'motor bikes' the humans like to ride, with their shiny gaskets and noisy engines. But this one – the one upon whom sits a tall, lanky human – Strife does not care for.

“Anton!” you call out, flying down the driveway, splaying your arms out wide in anticipation of a hug.

'Anton' laughs brightly and kicks down the bike's stand as he leaps from the seat, his own arms only just opening in time to receive you when you crash into him with a whoop of delight.

As soon as those long, stringy arms wrap around your shoulders, the Horseman's hackles raise like a feral beast's and the sudden presence of Anarchy begins to claw at the confines of his ribcage. For a few moments, he wrestles with himself, weighing the pros and cons of letting his most primal form take over for a while, but after envisioning the disapproving frown that's sure to adorn your face should he pull such a stunt, he bitterly shoves a reluctant Anarchy back down and settles upon prowling down the gravel drive after you, glaring hard at the stranger the entire way. Admittedly, he is a little surprised at himself for the animosity. On the whole, he's always maintained a good rapport with other humans. He likes the species, a lot. So to suddenly be filled with such a strong disliking for this particular human strikes him as odd and out of character.

Then, Anton's hands slide down to your lower back and another bout of indignant fury flares up in the Horseman's belly. After what he thinks is, quite frankly, an obscene amount of time, the stranger releases you, holding onto your shoulders and leaning back to get a better look at your face.

“God, it's good to see you, Y/n,” he drawls, eyeing you from head to toe in a way that makes the Horseman's skin crawl, “I can't believe it! You've changed so much!”

Grinning shyly up at him, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and reply, “Hopefully for the better?”

His own smile widens. “You were always at your best, even before the apocalypse. Still, being Humanity's Hero seems to be really suiting you, huh?”

At once, your expression falls and you pull a face, extracting yourself from his grasp. “Oh god, don't call me that. I've told the media till I'm blue in the face - the Horsemen are the ones who deserve to be called heroes. Oh, speaking of whom...” You turn to face the looming presence at your side and gesture up to Strife. “I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine.”

Anton's gaze leaves you long enough to flick over towards the Horseman and you watch as he does a very comical double-take, his eyes bulging for a moment before he manages to compose himself again and lifts his hand in greeting. “Hey! You must be one of those Horseman guys. Death, right?”

Noticing that the Nephilim's hands curl suddenly into tight fists, you interject, “Uh, actually, this is Strife, Tones.”

“Tones?” He really does try to keep the disdain from his voice when he switches his burning, golden glare between you and the other human. “I thought you said his name was Anton?”

How many other friends do you have?

“It's a nickname, Strife,” you reassure him quickly, “This is Anton.”

A nickname... Of course. The Horseman's stomach twists itself into a knot and he can't stop himself from blurting out, “How come you've never given me a nickname?”

The human concept surrounding abbreviated names was a fairly easy one for him to grasp when he first learned of them. They're terms of endearment, meant to signify familiarity and friendship.

He's your friend. He's familiar. Why doesn't he have a nickname too?

"Ugh, I'm sorry. We'll brainstorm nicknames when I get back," you huff, "But the restaurant will give our table away if we don't hurry. So -"

Turning to usher Anton onto the bike, you hardly manage to take one step before a large, metal hand is sliding around your forearm and tugging you gently to a halt. Biting back a groan, you glance over your shoulder, ready to scold him, but one look at his slouched stance and averted gaze stops you in your tracks.

"Uh. Hey, Tones?" you call, never taking your eyes off the Horseman's mask, "Can you give us a sec?"

The human behind you is careful to check that Strife isn't looking when he rolls his eyes and grunts in acknowledgement before he turns and saunters over to his bike, leaning up against it and pulling out his phone.

Once Anton has turned his attention elsewhere, you raise a brow at the Horseman and wait, patient, expectant. After working his jaw for a moment or two, he finally looks at you properly and tightens his grip on your arm, not until it's painful, but enough that you understand what he's trying to convey in the gesture.

He really doesn't want you to go.

"Strife?" you prod.

Reluctantly, he lets out a rough exhale.

Although he's far better at it than his siblings, watching Strife try to openly express emotion isn't unlike watching someone pull their own teeth out with a pair of pliers. The process is slow, and it's best to sit back and listen to him rather than try to encourage him to speak. So, that's what you do, and eventually, your patience is rewarded when after another few seconds of silence, he offers a strained chuckle and says, "This guy isn't my replacement, is he? I know the bike is cool, and all, but..."

"Your replacement?" you laugh, incredulous, "Strife. I don't know how it worked with Nephilim, but for humans, having another friend doesn't cancel out any existing ones."

He knows that. He's not some whelp who never learned how to share. Frustrated with himself, the Horseman huffs and turns his head to the side, glaring hard at nothing in particular.

"Hey..." An old habit kicks in, and before you can stop yourself, you reach up to trace your fingertips along the underside of Strife's helm, tipping it back towards you and smiling at the bewildered look in his yellow eyes. Confident that he's paying proper attention, you pull your hand away again and state, "I could search the whole universe from top to bottom for the next hundred, thousand years, and I'd never find a friend who could replace you, okay? So stop worrying. Your ranking as 'my best friend' is not under threat."

"M'not worrying," he grumbles, but inside, his heart is aglow with the warmth of your words. At the back of his mind, Anarchy rumbles happily. You said best!... He's your best friend? He tries to recall you ever calling him that before. Then he realises that, no, you can't have done. He wouldn't forget a moment like that. Not in a million years. Just like he won't forget how he feels right now after hearing those two words.

Oblivious to the fate you've just sealed for yourself, you clap your hands together, bringing the conversation to what you hope is an easy conclusion. "Good. In that case, will you please let me go with Anton now?"

The Horseman's mood sours almost immediately, but at least he peels his fingers off your arm.

"Hey, kid?" he address Anton, packing his voice with all the menace and threat that he can muster, "If I find out she gets hurt on your watch, I'll introduce you to a couple'a friends of mine..." His hands fall less-than subtly to his holsters, where the silver handles of Mercy and Redemption glint in the sunlight.

Anton's face pales upon seeing the Horseman's legendary pistols.

"Stop that," you scold him, smacking the back of your hand against the armoured chest plate before turning to your other friend and calling, "Come on, Tones, let's go."

Anton all but throws himself onto his bike, kicking the stand back and jamming his keys into the ignition whilst you climb on behind him, albeit far more gracefully. The man tosses you a helmet and you shove it onto your head.

Strife's eyes remain settled upon your hands that wrap snugly around Anton's waist and it takes everything in him not to grab you, haul you off the bike, drag you back to your home and lock you inside.

“I'll be back late tonight,” you call over the roar of the engine as you begin to pull away, “There's food in the fridge if you want to eat! And my Netflix is still logged in! I'll see you later, okay!?”

Strife doesn't respond, not because he can't think of what to say, but because there would be no point. Anton has already peeled away and pushed the bike to a reckless speed. All the Horseman can do is stand there at the end of your driveway, his shoulders drooping dejectedly.

After you're nothing more than a dot on the far horizon, he tears his eyes off you and lets them fall to the tarmac near his boots.

He never notices you looking back.

[icyxmischief]

Loki Ep 1 Pt 2

Blow by blow review, take 2: 

--The “sign this to verify that this is everything you’ve ever said” thing is genuinely hilarious.  I find it a little unlikely that he wouldn’t have ultra-suspiciously, with great characteristic paranoia, looked through every single page, and grilled the guy with the cat for info on where he was.  Little bit ooc for humor there, which is a major pet peeve of mine. 

--”Do a lot of people not know if they’re robots?” Okay this part was great bc it showcased Loki’s natural propensity to get into trouble because he’s such a curious cat and intellect, lol. 

--His scorn with “take a ticket” when only two variants are in the room is also very IC because Loki despises order without logical reason.  Order for its own sake is dangerous and oppressive and heyyyyy a lot like Thanos’s idea of a universe, ain’t it. 

--The All-Knowing Time-Keepers ended a timeline war, huh? H M m m m m M m m . They destroyed the capacity for nexus event and a multi-verse to exist huhhhhh? H M M M M M M M M .  Do I smell the potential for many Lokis from many Marvel canon verses, among other things? 

--

BITCH ME TOO, THE FUCK. 

--Okay I know everyone hates the logo but I kind of love how it is as fluid as Loki himself? A shape shifter? A master of magic and illusion? I’m sorry to all the graphic designers out there but I’m digging it for Conceptual Art reasons lol. 

--I’m sensing that if the French kid in 1549 thinks a horned devil caused a massacre in a church, this is evidence of Loki escaping the TVA to jump into the 1500s in France to cause mayhem. A bit predictable and I am hoping otherwise, but he IS Loki, “between damnation and redemption” at all hours.

--Owen Wilson’s character is strongly established as a good guy from the start.  

--”Madam, a god doesn’t plea.” Biiiiiiiiiitch yasssss.

--OHO he figured out the Avengers were time-traveling already, sharp. The reason why, he’s so far off that one must cringe for his fall from pride to come. 

--His laugh, that’s all. 

--”Hang on, everyone quiet, don’t rush me,” lol <3  Not a fan that once again he’s not allowed to use his full powers except within a contained system, but I’ll take it.  For now. 

--”You ridiculous bureaucrats will not dictate how my story ends.”   Wahoo if this series and character have a thesis statement, there it is.  Loki, God of Stories, forger of his own fate even when all tides run against it. 

--Loki doubting the reality of the TVA is an interesting hint into how much illusion was used to torture him as well as his own hyper reliance on illusion to protect himself. 

--Loki assuming Agent Mobius wants to kill him when Mobius is just showing him kindness is soooooooo revelatory of where Loki is psychologically right now.

--He still has his trademark swagger :D 

--”For the record this really does feel like a killing me kind of a room,” LOL, I love it, they’ve somehow kept his sense of humor spot-on! 

--”Trust is for children,” ahhhh kono kokoro. 

--”I live within whatever path I choose.” Ah, Loki, I wish you could, but is it so simple? 

--The fact that he tries to kill Mobius immediately and Mobius stops him while being fair and level-headed? I’m really liking Mobius. He’s the dare I say friend Loki has needed for a long time. 

--[Cooperation is] not my forte.” “Really, even when you’re wooing someone powerful you intend to betray?” Oho, okay Mobius, how long have you been serving as the metonymic stand-in for Loki’s fandom “army” and watching him grow and change  and self-sacrifice in the intended timeline? How well do you know him? You seem to know a lot, and that may be a good thing. You could be his advocate.

--”KING OF WHAT EXACTLY?” OH DAMN YES, MOBIUS, KEEP GOING.

--”WHY DOES SOMEONE WITH SO MUCH RANGE JUST WANNA RULE?” TFW A MARVEL CHARACTER HAS READ MY BLOG??????? YES?????? VINDICATION???????

--HE IS LITERALLY UNRAVELING THE TOXIC IDEOLOGY FORCED INTO LOKI UNDER THANOS???? ABOUT THE “LIE OF FREEDOM”?????? THIS IS AMAZING????

--”I don’t have to play this game. I’m a god.” Oh honey. Put the hackles down now, it’s okay.  You have far more heart than that, and far more accountability.

----Allowing Loki to see his entire “correct” (gulp) timeline (and God help us all if the end of this series involves him choosing to die in order to “fix the timeline,” I will RIOT if we get one more cheap “you’re only redeemed if you die horribly” growth arc for a morally ambiguous character) was the most important thing for me as a Loki fan of 10 years.  Allowing him to weep openly, to come to terms with the loss of his mother and the (too little too late, but at least extant) apology of his father, and, most of all, the potential to regain camaraderie with his brother, this was all that I wanted. A Loki allowed to flex his own muscles in his own limelight, no longer defined by what he lacks, but by what he can uniquely offer (even if in the “service” of an ethically dubious authority).  A Loki who KNOWS how much his brother has suffered and grieved but who still has his own freedom.I am admittedly optimistic.  The tone of the show is excellent.  My only fear at this point is a sacrificial death ending. Hopefully Loki will machinate a way to survive without breaking the universe with his divergent timelines, lol. Perhaps that’s the whole purpose of the plot going forward.

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[danteinthedevildom]

- kicks door open dramatically - Money. How does it work in the Devildom? -zoomed in eye emoji-

I love that when I ask my friends to remind me to write things they send me anons with flare. Y’all so good to me, Ily, enablin my Thoughts bc I got carried away. 

(For context this’s just how I like thinkin the boys get that sweet cash money, bc I Have Thoughts On That, apparently). 

- Student Council Members all get paid for their service. It’s pretty self explanatory, I think, but c’mon; that’s a job, as well as a technical governmental position. You can’t NOT pay them.

- The brothers do NOT get to see this money. Student Council paychecks go straight to Lucifer as part of the budget for the House of Lamentation; they are not allowed to so much as think about touching this money, because it’s what he uses to pay for all of their household expenses. Food allowance, maintanence, WIFI router fees, their TV license... it’s all accounted for using the very steady and non-fluctuating income they get. 

- Any income the brothers make outside of this is purely their own! All of Mammon’s paychecks from his modeling gigs go straight to his own bank account, and the same can be said for the money Asmo earns from his designer brand. They can do anything they want with this money, and Lucifer is not allowed to touch it unless in some form of punishment. 

- Admittedly that “punishment” doesn’t happen often. He doesn’t really enjoy messing with their money, especially not when they’ve actually worked for it - which is why he’s content to leave it as their money, rather than the Household’s as a whole - but if it’s clear that they’ll use their money to do something irresponsible or damaging, he’ll call the bank and force them to put the account on hold. 

- (By “irresponsible or damaging”, I mean to the tune of “Satan once tried to use his funds to buy an extremely suspicious amount of Very Deadly Ingredients at the same time Belphie uncharacteristically offered to assist in the preparation for Lucifer’s birthday party”. He really doesn’t care what they spend it on beyond that, so something like Levi spending all of his Grimm on the same CD over a thousand times? Lucifer doesn’t exactly get it, but eh, that’s legit.)

- Yes, Lucifer can do this. He’s the overseer of the accounts, in technicality; though he lets the brothers do as they please, they’re all legally in his name. It’s one of those things that the bank has been personally informed of since the start. Yeah, they treat the individual brothers as the account holders, but if Lucifer phones up and says the brother in question isn’t allowed to access his funds? Then the bank goes, “yes, sir”, and nothing can get them back in except Lucifer phoning the bank up again. 

- Lucifer’s pretty good at handling their fees, thanks to the several millenia he’s had doing it. Things can get a little tight, but he’s always able to leave some money at the end as a sort of backup allowance (a last resort pool for each brother). Even at the worst possible point, he refuses to take from the backup allowances unless absolutely necessary - which is mostly on the very, very rare occassions that their expenditure exceeds Student Council funding.

- Each of the brothers are allowed to have a Credit Card that is separate from the backup allowance. They’re fully expected to pay back the Card with their own money - not their Student Council funding - and if they’re incapable of doing so, they can use their backup allowance to pay it off. Goldie is Mammon’s, and obviously the most well-known, but the others can have one, too - if they want to. 

- If they run out of their backup allowance, well, they’re just shit out of luck, because they can only have access to it when all other resources run dry. It really is like a last resort; something that’s just meant to tide them over till they next get paid. After that, their Credit Card gets frozen, and Lucifer just lets them deal with their own problems - so long as it doesn’t impact the finances of the House as a whole, anyway.

- So, obviously Mammon has his modeling job - I mentioned that before! Levi gets his own income from streams, and Satan gets his from the patents he has on various spells and hexes he’s created. Asmo, beyond the designer brand he owns, does get a lot of income from his status as a Devilgram Influencer, and Beel gets a lot of his income from Fangoal sponsorships. Nobody actually knows where Belphie’s income comes from. He just kind of... gets it? There’s rumours that it’s hush money, but he’s never said and nobody’s sure how to ask and get an actual answer out of him. 

- Unsurprisingly, Asmo makes the most, which the other brothers think is complete bullshit. It’s quickly followed by Belphie and Beel, then by Levi, then Satan, and Mammon makes the least. 

- Lucifer doesn’t need a source of income. Anything he could want or need - more than that, even - is bought for him by Diavolo (heedless of anything he says against it). He’d have absolutely nothing to spend the money on, and if he did buy things for himself, he’d have no idea what to say to Diavolo when asked what the Prince can buy him. 

- The brothers are EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN from posting anything about things they want or debts they have, because it has happened in the past that they’ll mysteriously find a debt erased or the thing they wanted sent to the House of Lamentation, and Lucifer is honestly so exhausted with trying to get Diavolo to just stop buying them shit.

- Honestly, the only reason they get a set income at all is because Lucifer was too Proud to accept Diavolo’s original plan of “if you need something, let me know”. He’s already eternally indebted to the Prince as-is; he does not want to be in literal, actual monetary debt with him. At least if it’s a wage, he’s being paid for a service, and he can ensure that Diavolo isn’t just splurging a ridiculous amount of Grimm on them for the sake of spending.

- (As a side note, it’s also just a little less embarrassing to pay for any damages his brothers do out of pocket. Nothing was worse than, in those early days after the Fall, awkwardly looking somewhere to Diavolo’s right and biting out that he would very much be grateful if Diavolo could pay for a contractor to fix the outer wall of the House. And the interior wall of the House. And the Kitchen as a whole, actually.)

Bonus:

- MC gets an allowance that’s just a little less than what the Student Council members get. Though the Exchange Programme covers any Household expenses, like food, Diavolo wasn’t just going to let them end up there without something to spend. They can, of course, go out and work on top of that - just like the brothers do - but they don’t actually pay for anything beyond the things they want, so it’s genuinely not necessary. It’s even less necessary since Diavolo finds it much easier to sneak them away on shopping trips. 

- Diavolo and MC frequently play a fun game of “how much can Diavolo buy MC before Lucifer figures out where they are and drags MC away!” The answer? A lot. Like, so much. There genuinely isn’t a more surreal - or admittedly hilarious - sight than watching the Avatar of Pride standing in front of the Prince of the Devildom with his arms crossed over his chest, tapping a foot against the floor, as Diavolo gently places down an absolutely obscene amount of bags filled with goodies solely for MC. Well, until Lucifer says, “And the rest,” and suddenly another, smaller bag is pulled out of his jacket.